Everything Blue

My face is red

The carpet is now blue

You'd better run fast

'Cause I might kill you

My daughter has a mouthwash fascination. Yes, the girl who won't brush her teeth. (?!) I never let her have any because I thought my son would swallow it or drink it or worse. This is the kid that hid in his room with a bottle of chewable vitamins when he was quite small and had a picnic with his stuffed moose. Well, didn't she come home from a friend's house with a sample of mouthwash from a hotel. This was like a new toy to her. I watched in awe as she brushed her teeth so she could swish the minty fluid about. 

I'm over protective to put it simply. I decided it was time to give in to the mouthwash woes. I got Listerine's Agent Cool Blue. It's designed especially for kids my son's age. Used before brushing it turns plaque dark blue. The mouthwash itself is very dark in color. The kids then brush until the teeth turn white, or at least that's the idea. They'd seen it on TV and about freaked when they saw I bought it. They clamored to brush right away, in the middle of the afternoon. Hmm, maybe this wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

It turned their teeth blue. It turned the sink blue. It turned the yellow carpet blue... I was immediately disgusted that something so darn BLUE would be meant for kids. They obviously had a hard time keeping it in their mouths. 

That was the first day. The second day my son decided, for some reason unknown to me, to carry a cup of Cool Blue into his room without my knowledge. Of course, it got spilled. It looked like something CSI should be called in for. The blue stains and blue spatter were everywhere in his room, mainly concentrated on the light tan carpet.

If you don't know me very well, you might not know I have some serious OCD. This was gonna be a problem. I wasn't gonna lose it, though, I was determined. It took everything I had not to.  I went right to work cleaning. I don't even remember beating the child. I don't think I did, after all!

So what do I whip out but my magic blue bottle: Fantastic Oxygen Action. No, this is not a paid advertisement. I just love this stuff. If I thought my insides were dirty, I'd drink it. It takes anything out of anything. I found this miracle product when we had cats. Nothing else would remove cat feces from the carpet where Shiggy, in her sickened stupor, decided to wipe her ass in a long streak across the light grey carpet in the main room. Did I mention we no longer have cats? Anywho, nothing from pet stores or off the internet worked. This stuff rocks!

I was finally able to remove all of the blue from the door, woodwork, carpet and everything else within ten feet. I was feeling pretty smug. I had a talk with the kidlets in which they were sternly warned against further shenanigans. I was sure this wouldn't happen again.

Did it happen again? Nope. I took it away before there was a chance. What was the final straw, you wonder? It was bedtime. The kids didn't really want to brush their teeth but they made it to the bathroom anyway, just for the Cool Blue. Well, my son swished. He managed to do this without spilling it anywhere! Then he immediately ran out to the living room to inform us that he didn't need to brush. His teeth, it seemed, didn't turn blue at all. No blue teeth no plaque and thus no need to brush.  I was amazed that he was capable of such logic. That was the last of the Cool Blue. I really need to go write to the Listerine company now.